Life is getting sorta tough, and I wasn’t prepared for these changes. I went to band and halfway through the period, he addressed the issue. You know when he starts out with, “you guys know I’m not about being sentimental and all…” that I’m already holding back tears. He started giving a speech about how he did absolutely everything he could. He even offered to do band for free and the school wouldn’t even have to give us funding, just to have the class here and play everyday. The Board of Ed said no. He said he’ll never forget us or the memories; that feeling is mutual. I literally sat there, next to all of my friends, dead silent, and I stared at the wall in back of him, and I thought for the first time in my life that maybe, just maybe, this was all just a dream. A nightmare. I’d awake any minute. I felt numb. I was beside myself. The whole room was quiet. Then we talked about memories we had. And how he conducted us in our first competition ever, and how he saw the terrifying looks on our faces, and saw us in shock when we heard we won first place. I remember being absolutely mortified when I went to band camp my freshmen year. Band is a family. A really big, tightly knit family. We didn’t always get along, but we wouldn’t have it any other way. People in band accept me more than most of my actual family. I just feel like I don’t have any form of closure. I’m still in shock. It’s starting to hit me now, but I think it’s still going to hit me even harder.

To everyone who’s supporting me, thank you so much. I can’t explain how much it means to me. I just need a little time, I’ll come around again. I love you guys. And don’t let the man get you down like I did.

So it’s official. They cut all music classes at my school. They laid off and elementary school music teacher, so my band director has to teach in her place. This means:

• No orchestra.
• No concert band.
• No jazz.
• No band camp.
• No marching band.
• No theory classes.
• No way to join NCCC.

The only way I can continue playing the flute in concert band and marching band is to take a bus over to the rival high school across town, put on their uniform, and cheer on the Fermi Falcons while I’m still an Enfield Raider. Or I have the option to transfer to their school completely. Which is bullshit. I have nothing against their band, it’s just the thought that it’s turning my back against my school. I’d feel so separated. Their band has fights going on already, I don’t want to go there and get my ass kicked when I’m just trying to progress in music playing. This situation is so fucked up. I can’t even continue band like I wanted. I want to minor in music but that’s next to impossible now.

Next thing you know, they’ll be cutting art classes. And chorus. They’re already trying to merge our schools together. This isn’t going to save anyone money because:

1. The money for a bus to and from Fermi every day for only one period will eventually add up to the teacher’s salary that you cut.
2. Enfield High School is bigger than Fermi High School.
3. The town just spent so much money on new athletic fields for both school.
4. The town just spent so much money to remodel Enfield High School after the flood/fire incident.
5. Adding on a new Freshmen wing onto Fermi isn’t going to give us enough space for 2,000+ students.
6. What the fuck are you going to do with an empty building that used to be a high school? Within ten years, everyone is going to say, “There’s too many people. How about we split it in half? Oh! Look at that vacant building over there!! Let’s move half of these students over there and we can have two separate high schools! They can even battle each other in football! AWSUM!!!!1”
7. Enfield is just filled with dumbasses.
8. I hate you all.

I almost cried today in band. I’m going to miss everything. I know we all complained in the past, but, deep down, we all cared about each other. We’re a big family. And now you’re splitting us all up. If you cut band and the arts, why not wood shop? Or automotive? That’s what needs the most funding. And it’s filled with potential dropouts who should leave the school anyways because they only get in the way of my learning. At least in band, we want to get somewhere in life.

I believe the Town of Enfield is making a crucial mistake. None of this is going to save money. I wish they could wake up and just realize what’s going on.

That’s my say.

A - Available: Unfortunately.
B - Best Friend: Mike and Lauren.
C - Color of Your Room: Battleship grey.
D - Dad’s Name: Paul.
E - Easiest Person To Talk To: Mike most of the time.
F - Favorite Food: French fries and sushi. (Not together.)
G - Gummy Bears Or Worms: Worms.
H - Hometown: Glastonbury, Connecticut.
I - Instrument: Flute!
J - Job: None (yet).
K - Kids: I like mine with ketchup.
L - Longest Car Ride: 8 hours.
M - Milk Flavor: Chocolate soy milk.
N - Number Of Siblings: One sister.
O - One Wish: To get a boyfriend.
P - Phobias: queunliskanphobia, arachnophobia, nyctophobia, trypanophobia, trypophobia, kakorrhaphiophobia, and monophobia.
Q - Favorite Quote: “Long you live and high you fly, smiles you’ll give and tears you’ll cry, all you touch and all you see is all your life will ever be.”
R - Reason To Smile: Music.
S - Song You Last Heard: China Doll - Birdeatsbaby
T - Time You Woke Up: 6:34 A.M.
U - Unknown Fact About Me: I have an extra bone and disk in my spine.
V - Vegetable: Broccoli.
W - Worst Habits: Chewing on my lips. What a nasty habit.
X - X-Rays You’ve Had: Teeth only.
Y - Your Favorite Pastime: Reading.
Z - Zodiac Sign: It’s the age of the Aquarius.

Day 19:

A talent of yours.

I write poetry.

“Sunset Chasing”

Enough of the frost-bitten nights
And these frigid days.

I want my balmy afternoons
And my tepid evenings.

I’m loathing these icy sidewalks
And these frosted windows.

I lust for the bright sun
And pleasant pool water.

I’m sick of this mid-winter shadow stabbing.
I want my end-summer sunset chasing.

I’m not any good. I try my hardest, though.

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Day 18:

Whatever tickles your fancy.

Hymn // Birdeatsbaby

macabre / classical / punk. <3

Day 17:

An art piece (painting, drawing, sculpture, etc.)

I made this June of last year. It’s a three canvas set called Six Feet Under the Stars.

Download | 33

Day 16:

A song that makes you cry (or nearly).

This song makes me cry every time I listen to it. I’m crying right now and I’m just posting it. Even when people are watching me, I still feel tears. This song is for my grandfather. That one horrible night three years ago. The night that changed my life forever. This song is everything.

Day 15:

A fanfic.

If You’re Under the Impression  by me.

///

Eli held a gun directly in front of her between her two trembling, fair-skinned hands as Moonlight Sonata echoed falsely from the piano where my, now ex-, boyfriend rested his dead little head on the white piano keys as he winked at me. I looked back at Eli, fear fluttering in my head that felt the same as when you’re spinning on a one-roped swing too long and all the blood rushed to your head.

  “Laine, you little bitch. Give me one good reason why I shouldn’t shoot you dead right here, right now.”

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Day 14:

A non-fiction book.

Does this count? I can’t think of anything else off the top of my head.

This is a book of pictures with writing on them talking about true stories of quirky  forms of neurosis. Quite an interesting read.

Day 13:

A fictional book.

Rant by Chuck Palahniuk.